hauptpflucker

ive got pictures and tickets and pendants and postcards and it all adds up to a gaping hole in my universe a void in my soul that seems impossible to reconcile

THUNDER

I love the violent collision of air molecules reclaiming the void left by nature's greatest static electric shock!

Awesome weekend.. I still need to grow up in some ways hehe, but who's in a rush?

im a nerd, hearts are a waste if time, im very tired, i wish i could slow down and not be doomed to a meaningless existance of constant stimulation...

I want things that i shouldn't

I am surrounded by people who have way too much baggage. One's an alcoholic, another on the verge of psychosis. I myself am not perfect, thankfully most is under control I really don't think I could have handled this a few months ago. The last couple of days have been particularly sad. I think I make people crazy heh. Everyone falls apart around me.

i need balls appropriate for social interaction.

Im still awake... I haven't done one of these in a while. I am so lost and conflicted. My words are meaningless, and my actions restricted by a total lack of funding. I never wanted to let anyone down. I never wanted to let you down. Here I lay hoping for the best, terrified of the worst, so paralyzed by these convoluted thought proccesses that I miss the whole point. Life flies by and I miss every opportunity to have the things I truely want.

High on amphetamines
The moon is a lightbulb breaking
It'll go around with anyone
But it won't come down for anyone
You think you know what brings me down
That I want those things you could never allow
You see me smiling, you think it's a frown
Turned upside down
Because everyone is a fucking pro
And they all got answers from trouble they've known
And they all got to say what you should and shouldn't do
Though they don't have a clue
High on amphetamines
The moon is a lightbulb breaking
It'll go around with anyone
But it won't come down for anyone
And I won't come down for anyone

I am the sign of Satan
To bring forth the night
Infernal chanting

when your cat needs help finding the litter box... they're probably going to piss and shit all over your fucking house

Show me someone with real values. With a real understanding of what it means to be human, to be an intelligent being. Show me someone who isn't a hippocrate. someone genuine, someone real, find me a human being, a thinking careing loving selfless person. GIVE ME FAITH

Eric has no place to talk about how he really feels, so he's bloated with angst and self hatred, lost in a world that has no place for him. Eric will never fit in so he will sit out and watch it all go by as he wastes away to nothing. We all know his fat ass will last him another 40 years anyway.

The only use the internet has anymore is random facts stupid videos and the band... bye...

brain crash

maybe i need stronger meds... i want to be a robot i hate feeling

it may seem selfish
but i want a gift
wrapped in denim
and a plain white t
express
from the west
a scent of cup cake candles
in sandles
journey to the sea

I've receded into my shell this summer. I don't want to be here. And it seems that rumors and misconceptions abound. I have certainly hurt certain people in ways I never thought I would. The crazy thing is I know I have the potential to be the good person a few people I've cared for have seen. In my moments of doubt I act out. The worst thing is that I drive people to do things they wouldn't otherwise do, or feel things they wouldn't otherwise feel. I say things that make me look like a 4 year old, and I'm just embarrased by the whole thing. If only I would just grow up, get over myself, and see how wonderful the world is. If only I'd just be content with what I have. I miss happy go lucky Eric. I need to stop trying and fucking do!!! Yes I am that geeky. Honestly though, I'm so close to figureing out this life thing that if I just figured out that there's nothing to figure out I JUST NEED TO FUCKING LIVE IT THE WAY I KNOW HOW everything would run a whole hell of a lot smoother. It will in time...

...dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me

I've chilled out a little bit..

Why can't I just be fucking sane!!! haha... why can't i leave you alone!!!... why can't i just let time play it's course... live for now with dreams for a future that is complete... why aren't the meds helping me right now why is this pain overwhelming... why am i a fucking pussy